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Davidisms

Live Intentionally, Die Empty

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For some reason people think its ok to “agree to disagree” and leave it at that. Me included.

Now I’m not so sure, particularly in close relationships. At times in order to move on with your day/life it is very important to put a conversation on the shelf – but never let it collect dust. To permanently “agree to disagree”means that you’ll eventually be revisiting the issue because the two involved failed to reach to understand where the other person is ‘coming from.’

Acknowleging another person’s perspective does not mean you agree with where they land in their opinion, but it gives you a frame of reference or the path that led to their conclusion. It’s at that point you understand them. (And not necessarily agree.) You realize that though their conclusion may be flawed, they may not necessarily have bad motives.

You can then address the issue from a more sympathetic stance and maybe even reach a certain point of agreement and avoid potentially eroding the relationship because people feel misunderstood.

There is very little worse than that feeling.

Davidism #28 – Don’t agree to disagree. Reach to understand.

It’s okay to temporarily agree to disagree but make sure to find out if you truly disagree by first trying to understand the other person’s position not by trying to defend your corner.

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It’s so interesting to me that for 13 minutes the world stopped and many of the major networks covered the apology of Tiger Woods. It was interesting for 4 months that Tiger’s infidelity has been in the top news stories. It was more interesting that it although everyone would agree that the apology and the infidelity was none of our business and that is was a personal matter, that so many people decided to make commentary on the rightness or wrongness of the situation and how he decided to handle it.

I admit I watched the apology from Woods. I watched because I was curious of what it looks to be in a fishbowl and have your personal issues made everybody’s business. I wanted to see if he would change his mind and decide to rebel against having to own up to the world something that he didn’t really owe us. I watched to see the reaction of his mother and the pain of having to have her only son go thru this so publicly. Whether he meant the apology or not, I am sure it was not easy to stand there and do that. I’m sure any married couple knows the personal pain and embarrassment of having to deal with your personal issues just between the two of you. It is sometimes painful and embarassing to have to go to my own wife and apologize for something as small as being unkind and having to dig in deep conversations to find the origin point of certain reactions. I imagine doing something private so publicly is a problem.

This loss of privacy, unfortunately, comes with the territory of fame. Charles Barkley made the statement that “athletes don’t get paid millions of dollars to put a ball in a hole, they are paid millions of dollars because that is the price tag of loss of privacy.” He’s right, for some reason the public believes that because he is paid millions of dollars it gives us a right to comment on his life and get all the sordid details.

Here’s what I learned from “eyeing the tiger” and here’s a lesson you should be paying attention to as well:

“If any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.” -Galatians 6:1

Davidism #26- The lesson you should learn about other people’s missteps is “God show me what I don’t see about me.”

Every time someone’s business get made public, be they a celebrity or someone at your job, that is not an opportunity for your two cents about what they did was wrong, or how they should handle it. That is a time for you to look internally and see if you have any missteps in your personal life that you have let go on for too long and deal with them. And even if you don’t, you need to make it a point to stay alert to make sure you guard your integrity. What bad things people say about you don’t make it true, you make it true. Your job is to make sure that what they say is not true.

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I know it’s a little late to talk about New Year’s Resolutions’ but I am going to do it anyway.

Late last year I was sitting reading my Bible and came across a scriptutre that related to getting the body under subjection in order to get in shape for running a race. It said that there are many who run a race but only one person gets the prize. It went on to instruct that in order to be the one who wins the race to exercise as one who is striving for “the mastery” in order to win that prize.

When it hit me I immediately left my Bible and went to find my wife. I told her, “I’ve found what we are going to work on as a household next year. It will be to be disciplined in everything that we do.” She is an awesome woman and she listened and agreed to back me on what I had decided for our household.

Last year I think I missed it. The instruction that we were working on for our household was to develop “follow thru character” because I realized that we had started a lot of things but failed to complete them. Well, we developed follow thru character but I found that we were still starting things – and even finishing them. But it was at the very last minute. One of the big examples of this was that we started a five hundred piece puzzle. We worked on that puzzle for a for a little while every few nights together and then that puzzle stayed in the corner for months until late November when we were on a mad dash to complete it. Yes, we completed it but it felt wrong that we were still living our lives in procrastination mode. It is not right.

So when I read that passage of scripture it occurred to me that if an athlete was training for a race; although he could start exercising every day if he takes a break and then tries to play catch up he will definately not win in his endeavor. Yes, it works when you are trying to complete a puzzle before the end of a year but this poor character is not good when pursuing other thing in life.

Discipline is being consistent and following a regimen or pattern. Discipline forces you to stick with a thing when it gets boring. Discipline has the element of “follow thru” already woven into it. If you are disciplined you will most definately finish because it is a crawl to the finish line but you will get stronger in the process. So in my household we have decided to live in a place of discipline. We have decided to maintain our home in a place of discipline, we have decided to take time out to spend time together from a standpoint of discipline. It will build our muscle in whatever arena we are in. We will “exercise” as one striving for the mastery, yes, we will be successful in every endeavor of life because of discipline.

Are you after follow thru or discipline in your life?

Davidism #23 – Discipline is Better Than Follow Thru

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How long do you allow someone to stay down or harbor resentment and disappointment about a dream deferred or when life does not exactly go the way they planned it… even in a once in a lifetime event? Is it a year.. or longer? I suppose this can be a quantifiable amount of time. You might even be able to assign appropriate grieving time based on certain situations or more generously on a case by case basis. The point being, and probably with a great amount of consensus, that there comes a time to “get over it.” 

I don’t particularly mean that in an insensitive way, but rather just the opposite. It is more detrimental to a person to continue to let an incident that did not go as planned in your past to continue to haunt their present day and future. Maybe haunt is not a strong enough word. In some cases, a past let-down will control the present. It can stifle progess. You just can’t get past it.

There are a couple ways to realize if you are allowing a past disappointment to control your present day.

1. Whenever you encounter things that remind you of the let-down you can hardly stand to engage in it: I had a friend who was looking for employment for a long time after graduating from college. He started out gung-ho in the process but because his plan of working in a job closely related to his degree did not come to fruition in the time he had planned it greatly caused him distress. It got to the point that he could not even look for a job anymore, though he was literally sinking into debt and bills were going unpaid.

 2. Whenever think about and especially talk about it– it brings back the pain even to the point of tears: This is a point I learned from my wife. She once told me about her mother used to have a hard time discussing some things in her own personal life. My wife told me that whenever the discussion came up, she would wave it off, change the subject or allow it to bring her to a point of crying. She told me that she remembered a day when her mother was able to freely speak about it– unashamed and even give advice and counsel people concerning the same. that was the day she was free. But if everytime a situation is brought up.. tears flows, you are allowing it to control your present day

3. You let the past situation poison relationships or endeavors: Relationships are important. As a matter of fact, there is little if nothing at all that you can do to progress in life outside of relationships. As the saying goes..”no man is an island.” Every person is at his poorest relational point AT LEAST, a peninsula. You need people in your life, but if you are allowing offense or past disappointment to cause resentment in your relationship, it is controlling your present day. It can even be something subtle that is lying below the surface that is causing you to not fully give yourself or trust others in important relationships. You can even have seemingly happy and functional married couples who have something underlying causing it from reaching the next plateau that marriages typically graduate into. That is very dangerous. It can even be that one of the parties in the relationship doesn’t even know that there is a problem.

4. You lie to yourself and others regarding the problem: There are people who say that if you lie to yourself long enough that even you will begin to believe the lie. I don’t know if that is true in every case. Because every time that you tell that lie you are the one that knows it’s a lie. What actually happens is that you learn to live with the lie, until it comes to a point where it can not be contain or covered any longer. What is in the dark will always be reveale and come to the light. My point is that you can be dishonest and cause everyone to believe that the situation doesn’t bother you anymore about the problem, but the very fact that you don’t let the truth be known shows that you allow the situation to control your ethics, honesty and integrity.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, it is normal and acceptable to be and display disappointment and hurt. You can’t heal a wound by saying that it’s not there. That’s insane. By pretending that you are not hurt or disappointed will only stand to hurt you more as you continue to try to function

normally with an injury. I remember running track in high school and having a stress fracture in my foot. I wanted to keep running on it and not let anyone know so when asked how I was feeling, I kept saying that everything was alright. Well, naturally the injury got worse because I tried to continue to function in a normal way on something that needed recovery. The same holds true in your life with let-down and disappointment.

So it is understandable that to be hurt when things don’t go your way. In fact, the Bible says that “hope deferred makes the heart sick.” So naturally people become “heart sick” when their expectations don’t happen. But the Bible also says to place you hope (expectation) in God. I am not saying God caused the thing to not go right, but I am saying that by shifting your expectation in what he can do, you will be able to move on a get a different outcome. Things may not be the same again (and you may not be able to go back and change it), but that doesn’t mean that God can’t make it good again.

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There is no bottleneck at top. I assure you. It’s nice and roomy up there. But chances are many folks never know this because they “don’t do windows.” People are quick to let everybody know (including their boss) what’s NOT in their job descriptions and trust me… your boss is taken note. And you will never move beyond where you are until you become OVERQUALIFIED for your present position.

Davidism #22 – Learn the “do windows”: It is really easy to get ahead in life. Just be willing to do what nobody else is willing to do. There are so few people who are willing to take the slightest step to do just a little bit more that when the person in charge sees you take just a LITTLE extra effort you rise head and shoulders above the mediocre rest. And do a good job at it all. You’ll see that as you rise to the top it’s a lot less crowded up there.

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we-the-robots-by-chris-harding

I don’t even know where I found this comic, but I thought it was hilarious.

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I just got finished watching VH1’s For the Love of Ray J episode where Ray J invited his friends and family to meet his final 3 girls. Now granted, I think he did an awful job of picking and perhaps it’s because they were the best of the worst, but that’s a whole new conversation.

I thought it was hilarious when Ray’s friends found out that one of the girls had previously had an intimate relationship with one of his friends and had went on a date with another. That wasn’t the funny part because I suppose that could happen to anyone if you float in the same circles. But later all the friends started to chant, “Danger, She Smashed The Homies, Danger, She Smashed The Homies!” Now they were talking about her having had sex with a member of their group of friends but there is a point there that can be taken a big further. Does it matter if the person you are in a relationship with has “smashed the homies?”

On the show they were talking about the issue of not being involved with a woman if she had sex with a member of your group of friends. Sure, there are a bunch of problems that can stem from that knowledge. For instance, there is the issue of comparison, the potential argument of a girl coming between his guys but more importantly the issue of why “Danger” was not good enough for the homie to make him his girl.

Davidism #9 – If She “Smashed The Homies, Then Pass” :  Now take that point beyond a sexual relationship and consider just relationships in general, even business relationships. If you ever meet a person and establish any type of relationship with them and during that stretch of time discover that this person has been in association with someone else in your circle you need to ask yourself what about this person made someone you trust (you friend) dismiss this person from their life.  This could be a red flag why you wouldn’t want to pursue that relationship. Maybe your trusted friend realized that this person had nothing to offer or was only good for one aspect of their life. But for whatever reason you need to discover and in most cases pass. That’s why they called her “Danger”… because she smashed the homies.

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