Category Archives: davidisms
For some reason people think its ok to “agree to disagree” and leave it at that. Me included.
Now I’m not so sure, particularly in close relationships. At times in order to move on with your day/life it is very important to put a conversation on the shelf – but never let it collect dust. To permanently “agree to disagree”means that you’ll eventually be revisiting the issue because the two involved failed to reach to understand where the other person is ‘coming from.’
Acknowleging another person’s perspective does not mean you agree with where they land in their opinion, but it gives you a frame of reference or the path that led to their conclusion. It’s at that point you understand them. (And not necessarily agree.) You realize that though their conclusion may be flawed, they may not necessarily have bad motives.
You can then address the issue from a more sympathetic stance and maybe even reach a certain point of agreement and avoid potentially eroding the relationship because people feel misunderstood.
There is very little worse than that feeling.
Davidism #28 – Don’t agree to disagree. Reach to understand.
It’s okay to temporarily agree to disagree but make sure to find out if you truly disagree by first trying to understand the other person’s position not by trying to defend your corner.
I received a call from someone very close to me wanting to come clean and apologize. This person came clean about some issues that he had internalized against me for over 2 years. He explained that he experienced (from his perception) that I had committed an offense against him and instead of dealing with me head on at that time, he developed a great offense against me and even to a point of hatred in his heart. He said that over those 2 years when he moved to a different state he used every opportunity to slander and to harbor unforgiveness in his heart.
He told me that it took him to a very dark place within his heart and his attitude. He let me know that once he moved back he had been praying and reading his Bible and God began to minister to him about how he was acting and about love. And he called me up. I let him know how much his call meant to me and I appreciated it.
This brings me to today’s Davidism, which is a quote that I wish I had made up but I heard it from Joyce Meyer but I’ll steal it for today:
Davidism #27: Holding on to something against someone else is like you drinking poison expecting the other person to die
It is so true. One of the things he told me was that when he was harboring those things in his heart he had an “I’ll show you” mentality, when although I had an inkling that he was upset with me, I had moved past the issue and was praying for him the whole time. I even reached out to him when he was in a financial situation. See, and the whole time it was doing damage to him inside.
Many of us take that same ride as he did. We hold on to things instead of getting to confront the issue and then taking it before God and asking him to shine a light on where we are wrong and ask him to help us out. Don’t lose years from your life holding on to a past hurt. If you can drop it off with God, do that. If you can take it a step further and resolve it with the person, do that. But holding on to the offense, drinking your own poison and letting it spiral you to a bad place… NEVER do that!
It’s so interesting to me that for 13 minutes the world stopped and many of the major networks covered the apology of Tiger Woods. It was interesting for 4 months that Tiger’s infidelity has been in the top news stories. It was more interesting that it although everyone would agree that the apology and the infidelity was none of our business and that is was a personal matter, that so many people decided to make commentary on the rightness or wrongness of the situation and how he decided to handle it.
I admit I watched the apology from Woods. I watched because I was curious of what it looks to be in a fishbowl and have your personal issues made everybody’s business. I wanted to see if he would change his mind and decide to rebel against having to own up to the world something that he didn’t really owe us. I watched to see the reaction of his mother and the pain of having to have her only son go thru this so publicly. Whether he meant the apology or not, I am sure it was not easy to stand there and do that. I’m sure any married couple knows the personal pain and embarrassment of having to deal with your personal issues just between the two of you. It is sometimes painful and embarassing to have to go to my own wife and apologize for something as small as being unkind and having to dig in deep conversations to find the origin point of certain reactions. I imagine doing something private so publicly is a problem.
This loss of privacy, unfortunately, comes with the territory of fame. Charles Barkley made the statement that “athletes don’t get paid millions of dollars to put a ball in a hole, they are paid millions of dollars because that is the price tag of loss of privacy.” He’s right, for some reason the public believes that because he is paid millions of dollars it gives us a right to comment on his life and get all the sordid details.
Here’s what I learned from “eyeing the tiger” and here’s a lesson you should be paying attention to as well:
“If any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.” -Galatians 6:1
Davidism #26- The lesson you should learn about other people’s missteps is “God show me what I don’t see about me.”
Every time someone’s business get made public, be they a celebrity or someone at your job, that is not an opportunity for your two cents about what they did was wrong, or how they should handle it. That is a time for you to look internally and see if you have any missteps in your personal life that you have let go on for too long and deal with them. And even if you don’t, you need to make it a point to stay alert to make sure you guard your integrity. What bad things people say about you don’t make it true, you make it true. Your job is to make sure that what they say is not true.
It bothers me sometimes when I ask the same person how things are going and they always answer, “ehh, it’s okay” or how was the food or the movie, and they answer, “ehh, it was alright”
That’s not glass half empty or glass half full. I’m not even sure where that is supposed to be classified when EVERYTHING is mediocre. I would almost rather you tell me life is miserable. (Well that’s not true.)
Here is my advice for the everything is always “just ok” person:
Davidism #25 – Add more water to your own glass: I’m not sure why if you are an “everything is just ok all the time person” why you feel like life can’t be better than a 5 out of 10 some of the time. Do you think it will offend someone if you say you are feeling better than yesterday or if the meal was better than average? Listen, since the glass is so undecidedly ambiguous to you – add some water to your own glass by counting your blessings. Really take the time to consider what is really good to get the water level to rise to the top. Now the glass is a little more than half full… and feel free to say so.
General Patton was quoted to say, “Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
I am a huge believer in General Patton’s statement. As a matter of fact this is exactly how I like to govern my working relationships and different projects that I undertake or oversee. As a leader it so happens that we get tangled up in how we forsee things getting accomplished when in actuality all we really want is a postive end result.
So who cares the avenue (most of the time).
When we tell people how to accomplish a task we not only cramp the way that person thinks through situations, but we also stifle any creativity they have in them or potential growth or progress they are able to bring to the situation. Perhaps they see something that you didn’t see. When I look at the picture above I think of how that situation could have played out. You have a group of people who wanted to grill some steaks, but they didn’t have a grill. When the majority of the group threw their hands up and resolved that he could not be done… there was one person who thought, “all we need is something grated.” Lo and behold they got their steaks.
When you tell people how to do something you take away from them the “all we need is…” mentality and put them in a box ultimately limiting potential progress.
Ingenuity = the ability to solve difficult problems often in original and creative ways; inventiveness.
This week my wife starting working for the same company I work for. It’s been cool for her us to carpool home together and her to tell me about well I am spoken of by people she meets while there. They tell her about my excellent work and rave about how much they respect me. That feels good. But then I thought to myself… how awful it would be if when people told her how “great” and “nice” I was that she would internally be rolling her eyes wondering if they were even talking about the same person that she knows from home.
I decided a long time ago two things:
1. I will be the same person in public as I am in private. What you see is what you get.
2. The people at my job will not get the better part of me (i.e. respect, entreaties, manners, etc.) than the people who sit at my dinner table.
I figured if I could live by these two things then I would be ok.
Think about this: If you had to sit before God and everybody that you knew today and there were two theater sized screens playing simultaneously the events of your life, would you be ashamed of what’s being displayed on either screen. Or would you be proud of the integrity, character, and overall excellence of your “double feature?”
So many self-proclaim the greatness of their maturity level. But there are several tests of maturity – many of which we fail to pass and yet profess out maturity. I ran across one of those checkpoints of maturity today.
* Can you overlook an offense of a person who doesn’t know any better? *
For those of us who say that we are becoming more mature, can we overlook a situation when we are done wrong by someone who doesn’t know any better – who haven’t risen to our point of maturity. If someone doesn’t know any better they can’t do any better! So how can we hold against them what they haven’t come to the point to understand. Can you forgive them for mistreating you? Can you overlook the fact that you are making effort towards them but they haven’t understood what their role should be?
If you have matured – you can overlook that, and lovingly teach them and guide them to get (and know) better. And let them mature at their own pace.
Davidism #24 – Forgive Them, They Don’t Know Any Better