May 20, 2009 Single? Don’t Get Married Until…
I was agggrevated by some guy on Facebook posting that he and his serious girlfriend was better than most married couples because they seemed to get along better. All I could think was, “you poor sweet fool, you have no idea.” I told him that marriage presents challenges that even the most serious of daters have not even fathomed. I think because he felt like he and his honey were having good days that he could rush off to the alter. So I am going to quickly drop some advice on all you single people who are considering marriage. Don’t get married until you have completely checked off the below list.
1. Make Sure That Your Honey Has Plans For The Future: You can fall in love with potential if you want… but that’s short lived. But you want you really want is someone with purpose
2. Make Sure That You Aren’t Simply Falling For A Dreamer: In light of #1, make sure that you aren’t marrying someone who just has plans but has a reputation for results. Watch if they do what they say they will.
3. Make Sure This Person Has Met Your Friends, Family, and Anyone You Deem A Counselor ( And Consider Their Advice): I believe that in a multitude of counselors there is safety. Your friends, family and mentors know you well and they are able to see what your current state of infatuation cannot see. Desire skews your judgement. Allow them to tell you what is obvious to everyone else but is right now invisible to you because of being “blinded by love”
4. Date At Least One Full Year, Then Try To Be Engaged Just As Long: Now I know exception to this rule, but just assume that YOU are NOT one of them. You can wait a year, that allows you to see a full cycle of a person. Then once you are engaged that allows another full cycle of how the person handles the pressure of wedding planning.
5. Don’t Get Married Until You’ve Had A Fight: I can’t stand couples who say, “we never have a disagreement” All that tells me is that you don’t know each other because two human beings raised in different homes are going to have differences. If you have never seen how a person reacts in a heated moment, that is not a surprise you want to have after the alter
6. Don’t Get Married Until You Have Met Their Family And How They Interact With Them: Listen, every family is dysfunctional. But you want to know at what level of dysfunction you are dealing with and how your mate fits in with that madness. You will inherit all the problems from that family that helped to shape your mate. Are you ready to deal with it?
7. Stop Having Sex: This one is probably not going to be popular. But you can’t build a marriage based on sex. I don’t care who you are. If you are currently having sex, stop! At least for a set amount of time (like 2 – 3 months) it will be at that time that you see what your relationship is all about.
8. Talk, talk, talk, talk and talk some more: You must get to know this person. PLEASE! Don’t think you know them just because you have a good time together. You have to know what they think about everything. Politics, religion, marriage, children, favorite color, if they like peas, everything. Get one of those 1001 questions book and go on dates and talk.
9. If they are a different religion, probably not a good idea to continue: Another not so popular one, but faith (or lack thereof) are apart of someone’s core. Relationships are hard enough. Don’t complicate your life.
10. Get Pre-Marital Counselling: You have never been married before. You need to get some advice before hand.
11. Make Sure You Are Friends: Real live friends. If your mate is not your friend, if you don’t like them as a person. Stop! Do not pass go and do not collect $200.
This is a start. I have to jet. I will write part 2 later. Let me know what you think so far… Agree? Disagree?